Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Bottomshelf Beer Reviews: Icehouse Edge

Mila Kunis knows, on the edge it's a helluva drop
The other day I saw Icehouse Edge as I was leaving the liquor store.  I know I often start these beer reviews bitching and kvetching like C-3PO on Tatooine, “Woe is me.  This beer looks disgusting.  Fuck my life.  etc.”  But when I saw Icehouse Edge at the liquor store I was like, “why the hell not!”  I don’t like Icehouse, but fuck it.  Yeah, a new high gravity version with a stupid name probably won’t be much better, but it couldn’t be much worse.  If nothing else it will get me drunk quicker, which is the only reason to drink Icehouse in the first place.  On that note: challenge gladly accepted Icehouse Edge.  I relish this opportunity.  Now let’s get it on like Donkey Kong!
Batman, getting it on like Donkey Kong

Personally I can’t hear someone say, “the edge” without thinking of U2’s legendary guitarist that…blah blah blah BWAHAHA!  Just kidding, U2 sucks, and they’ve sucked for long enough now that their present suckiness completely overshadows any of their previous accomplishments.    On the other side of the coin, the good side if you will, Stiff Little Fingers sang about "running at the edge of their world" and The Effigies asked “Where do we go once we’ve seen the edge?”  Not to mention David Lee Roth’s brilliant “The Edge” soliloquy in Van Halen’s 1978 classic “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘bout Love.”   It would seem that musicians of all stripes, share an obsession with “the edge,” which begs the question: is Icehouse Edge awesome like a Chicago based hardcore band, or douchey and nauseating like Aerosmith’s 1992 crapptastic single “Livin’ on the Edge?” 
Rather than disgusting all of you with a picture of Steven Tyler and his  "old lady face."  Here's his much better looking daughter.

To answer that question, I’ll start by saying that I typically take pains to avoid drinking Icehouse.  Consequently, I don’t think I’ve touched the stuff since I wrote my review about a year ago.  It’s been a while, but I think Icehouse Edge tastes almost exactly like regular Icehouse.  As a beer, even an ice beer, the flavor of Icehouse is pretty subpar, but as a high gravity lager it’s aces.  8%ABV is a different animal and has to be judged against its 8% peers, otherwise it’s like a cat in a dog show: not winning awards and pooping in a box.  I personally prefer regular beer to high gravity lager the same way I prefer dogs to cats/raccoons (same animal) but comparing the two is unfair to all parties.  Remember Heathcliff?  It was pretty good for a terrible show, but it was no Downton Abbey.
Here's the really hot daughter from Downton Abbey dressed as slave Leia 

To carry the metaphor just a little bit further, in the genus high gravity, the species Icehouse Edge is one of the better ones, because it doesn’t have a harsh chemical taste or shit-mouth aftertaste, at least not anymore than you’d find in regular Icehouse.  A lot of high gravity lagers taste like someone’s topped them off with w a little vodka, but I don’t really taste any extra alcohol in Icehouse Edge.  Of course, I don’t taste alcohol in straight whiskey, so take that how you will.  In a bottomshelf genus dominated by beers you have to pinch your nose and chug just to get drunk Icehouse Edge stands out as being more palatable than the rest.

Icehouse Edge threw the gauntlet and I rose to the challenge.  It was pretty good for a high gravity lager, and I’d say overall it was a pretty positive experience.  Except that I got that fucking Aerosmith song stuck in my head.  I only heard that song like a million fucking times between 1992 and 1995 and about a 100,000 times since then, so I’m going to drown it out with a little beer, and the far superior Weird Al Yankovic parody “Livin’ in the Fridge.”
Speaking of The Fridge...

11 comments:

  1. I wish you'd make it so anyone could comment on your blog. Ok, I don't know if that is even an option for blogspot but I don't care. I enjoy your beer reviews and want to respond.

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    1. I used to have it like that, but I was getting too much SPAM. Thanks for reading.

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  2. Edge is like EATING a bag of SUGAR! Are you retarded? It tastes nothing like IceHouse! LOL Dumbass

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    1. Funny, I've read many reviews that says it tastes like IceHouse. Don't be such a Dickbag.

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  3. Dude, i came across this site while drinking (or atempting to drink) an icehouse edge. I took one sip and decided to google "icehouse edge sucks". so hear I am, pissed that I didnt settle for a Natty Daddy. Those are bearable. But the edge sucks. It cost me a buck to find out what porta-john water taste like. It reminds me of bitter sweatness, like looking at a hot pic of jaggars daughter while knowing what her dad looks like. He looks like the taste of icehouse edge. Shitty.. As for a cheap buzz job, it still sucks. Natty Daddy sucks to, but icehouse sucks more than Boy George at a nude beach. Your review is freakin funny though. Ill be back to read more when I get drunk again tomorrow, wich will be owed to a bunch of NattyDaddy's.

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  4. If you like stuff with lots of alcohol, you should try Four Loko. I think its 12% and its even chug-gable.

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  5. That stuff isnt too bad, but its a little too sweet for me. And it gives me heartburn.

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  6. I loved Icehouse when it first came out. I recently tried edge until the flavor is a pure I love the buzz. no hangover. It only takes one, two on bar night and I'm happy

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  7. Drinking an edge, its drinkable. Best beer out, Miller Fortune. I walked away from Miller 18 yrs ago. They have pulled me back with fortune. Fantastic taste, high volume, hell I'd be their spokesperson if they paid me in the stuff. Cool blog man :)

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  8. Being an Icehouse connoisseur of sorts, which by the way I must comment, I love your prose style of writing. Anyhow indeed I drink Icehouse exclusively to get a really nice buzz over a 5 or 6 hour period. One must remember if your going to truly rate a beer or any liquid, surely one should do so via some sort of glass container, or at the very least be civilized and pour into a glass. Although a glass I'd recommend drinking beer in would never be a beer mug, what the hell is that? I mean honestly if your going to drink beer I have found the best type of glass to use is a champagne glass, however odd that may sound. To me it slows down the debubbling process, by mostly releasing in a center stream instead of the entire contents like a beer mug. Never the less there's a few things to be considered if testing, and surely a can is not of any good quality no matter the beer.
    In recent years they switch over from glass to plastic for their 42oz bottles, and for awhile I noticed Icehouse was playing around a bit with the alc content, going up to 6 I believe at one time, and down to the current 5.5, perhaps they were merely testing how to have better control of alc content for a beer. Icehouse Edge is indeed a bit sweeter than Icehouse, and for me the first swallow of Ice Edge had a bit of kick, as you mentioned it does taste a bit like someone spiked the beer with a little vodka.
    However the sweetness eventually tears away at the first taste of kick, then kind of goes squat. Now I still like my Icehouse, although I still prefer my Natural Ice, but it has become so difficult to find, I switched over to Icehouse because of the ease to obtain.
    I feel that a 5.5 for Icehouse is a better tasting beer, and has about the right alc content. As another poster pointed out in regards to their experience's with Icehouse, is never having a hang over. Of course there's no guarantee, but it is also a beer I have found that I can drink 84 oz's of, and still wake up without an alarm clock the next morning on time for work, even if I didn't go to bed until 3:00 am, and be at work by 7:30.
    I think that was one of the reasons as to why I transitioned from regular beer to Ice beers.
    Edge I'm not yet a fan of, I suppose I must find out how if I can manage drinking it, without sacrifice. Of course that first swallow or two, that forces your face to go wtf, may eventually go away. However another thing to note if I may, Is I often keep track of how well a beer performs when I consume it. I have found dates jumping back and forth on the store shelves, and each one appears to have a different alc content despite what's labelled on the bottle. So take into consideration I have drank 84 oz's one night and barely get a buzz, while the following night f'ed up twice as bad with just 60 oz's.
    To me that's proof that not all that is bottled is equal. Making a consistent flavored beer is probably difficult and an art than making wine. And I hate wine, but love me some champagne, yes I know champagne is a wine, but it's refined better, :) Anyhow I did enjoy your review, thanks for great read.

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  9. I exclusively drink icehouse edge. Now when I go back to drink a stella, or negro model, heinys, Corona or whatever it just isnt the same at all. It's about the feeling you get between almost a full one AMD maybe a half the second one. Taste is a issue at first but u just power thru thenforst 3 then really it's a non factor lmao, your buzzed good to go. No hangover either too. In control of yourself and feeling nice for 3 and somemchange.

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