|My father, myself, and Mr. Snowman|
When I was born my father looked at my mother and said, “one day he’ll grow up to run the internet’s premier cheap beer review blog.” Since it’s Father’s Day, I thought I’d honor my father by dedicating my review of Natty Daddy beer to him. I bought Natty Daddy a few months ago in anticipation of Father’s Day because of the name. This shit is 8% alcohol. This is going to be painful. I really love my dad.
|"The Orphans ain't got no dad! Also don't I kinda look like David Schwimmer?"|
My dad’s not a huge drinker, but he did teach me a few very important lessons about drinking. First of all, you don’t need to drink to have a good time. There are plenty of other things that are even more fun, like crushing your enemy, see them driven before you and hearing the lamentations of the women; that and sex. Also he told me that people with a real drinking problem have to stop drinking, a thought I find unbearable. How would I get to sleep?
|Just a few more Mike's Hards and this party is going to get buck wild.|
Natty Daddy is an odd name for a beer. Other than a Father’s day inspired bottomshelf blog post I don’t think anyone would purchase it because of the name. Natty Daddy smells like beer but it certainly tastes like it’s 8% alcohol. Your younger sister’s friends would send back the Ten-High and Coke you mixed them if it tasted this strong. There is definitely a harsh chemical/cheap alcoholness to the aftertaste, but otherwise it tastes like beer. It’s not good but at least it gets you drunk quicker. I could see slamming a tallboy of Natty Daddy after I was already six or seven beer into the night to push myself into the “fun zone.” The “fun zone” is when I fall asleep watching Conan the Barbarian and wake up when I spill beer on myself. Fun stuff.
|Unlike Conan most of my adventures involve waking up to the DVD menu.|
Actually, now that I’m halfway through this can the chemical taste is less pronounced. This shit is fucking awesome. I’m going to dub Natty Daddy the thinking man’s high gravity beer, because I’ve always wanted to use that phrase and I can’t think of a better use than in regards to a beer designed to get you shit-housed as quickly as possible. Also, notice that I said “beer.” Natty Daddy doesn’t seem to be marketing itself as a “Malt Liquor.” I guess they want more white people to drink it. The double boomerangs under the 8% on the side of the can are another dead giveaway. White people love Crocodile Dundee. I don’t remember if my dad does, but I’m pretty sure he’s seen the film and he’s certainly white, as is 92% of Australia. FUN FACT: My dad is not Australian.
|However the Lord Humungous IS Australian. FUN FACT: Humungous rules the Wasteland!|
Like my father Anheuser-Busch is not Australian, they’re German Americans. While no one has ever accused der Germans of lacking conviction, it’s nice to see that Anheuser-Busch claimed Natty Daddy as their own. Typically alcohol makers try to distance themselves from the shit they make to get you drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible, for example the “Steel Brewing Company” that makes disgusting Steel Reserve is actually MillerCoors in disguise. Personally, I think that kind of crap is pompous and hypocritical. They’re more than happy to take the money from college kids, hobos, trailer trash, winos, carnies, drunks, drifters, and me but they don’t want to be associated with us. Instead we get some bullshit “drink beer to have fun but not get drunk” doublespeak. When was the last time you even saw someone get “buzzed” or “tipsy” in a beer commercial? It makes me sick, and I for one applaud the fine folks at Anheuser-Busch for taking ownership of a product they fucking make. “This shit is 8% alcohol. Fuck you we’re Anheuser-Busch.”
It may not seem like the preceding paragraph has much to do with Father’s Day, but my dad taught me above all else to despise disingenuous hypocritical pieces of shit with no personal conviction. On that note I must confess that Natty Daddy is a lot better than I thought it would be. I still don’t think I’d recommend giving it to your dad for Father’s Day unless you think it would be in your dad’s wheelhouse. Of course if your dad is the kind of guy enjoys drinking cheap high gravity beer you probably don’t know who he is, which makes the whole Father’s Day thing kind of a moot point I guess. If you’re not a bastard I suggest showing your dad the Kate Upton “Cat Daddy” video. It kind of sounds like Natty Daddy and it’s pretty much the best thing in the history of the internet.