|"What do...you MEAN I can't buy Cheetos with...foooood STAMPS?!?"|
The important thing to remember when seducing a teenage boy is to
and then make him promise not to tell anyone or you’ll murder his whole family.
an article on the subject in the Associated Press and it was clearly written by a chick. Observe:
“Some of the so-called bleacher bums stop drinking it [Old Style] only long enough to sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during the seventh-inning stretch…”
|Does she really need to wear cleats?|
“…Fred Kist, a 59-year-old suburban Chicago resident who grew up an Ernie Banks home run away from the park…”
That sentence fragment makes even less in the context it was written in. I had to read that sentence twice before I could suss out that Fred Kist lived in Wrigleyville. The author was so desperate to cram her article full of bullshit baseball references that it didn’t make any fucking sense. Is Fred Kist the subject or is Ernie Banks? Are we talking about homeruns or where the gentleman lives? No one talks like that.
|Other than Old Style, the only thing I like about the Chicago Cubs|
|I saw this movie in the theater|
Personally, I was not looking forward to reviewing Old Style Light. As a general rule I find that light beer tastes like a hot fart mixed with seltzer water, and typically, the best light beers don’t taste like anything. Old Style Light is different, because Old Style Light actually tastes good. It’s without a doubt the best light beer I’ve ever had. I’m just as surprised as anyone else. It’s 30 calories and five carbs lighter than your standard Old Style, and still tastes kind of like Old Style. To be sure I’d still rather have the original, but if you’re on a diet I would definitely recommend Old Style Light, lest you end up as fat as Carlos Zambrano’s disgusting head.
In the end, I’m shocked how much I ended up enjoying Old Style Light. If you ever go to Fairplay looking for a high quality light beer, I’d say pick some up. Just try not to make eye contact with anyone, or the other customers will think you’re putting a hex on them and murder you. But while you’re there, if you happen to see a boy with bad skin and an overbite bagging your groceries tell him I said, “hi,” and “Dan wants his Metallica shirt back.”
|Now that's what I call an old style light. Get it!? It's a light for the old fashioned Game Boys. It wouldn't even fit on the 3DS. I slay me.|
|Here's a picture I never found room for in my last two posts.|