Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Second Doctor Part II

Continuing my ruminations on Classic Doctor Who.  Part I of my stuff on the Decond Doctor is here.

The Dominators

The robots in this one are a sad attempt to catch lightning in a bottle and recreate Dalekmania.  Only problem was, the robots they came up with suck.  On top of that, this serial famously ridicules the anti-war movement.  I’m not particularly sympathetic to hippies, but there’s a mean spirited glee in the script for this one that makes me feel a little sick.  In short: it blows.
Are you fucking serious?

The Mind Robber *available on Netflix*

The Doctor & Co. travel outside of time and space, and wind up in the land of fiction.  As you can probably imagine, they want to leave.  It’s a little ambiguous if they actually do, a fact further complicated by the fact that The Doctor is in actuality a fictional character IRL.  This serial is a little meta and very surreal, but not up it’s own ass like you’re probably picturing.
In this scene The Doctor has to reconstruct Jamie's face from memory.  He kind of fucks it up and Jamie is played by a different actor for a few weeks.  Like I said there's some pretty heady stuff going on here.

The Invasion

The new series episode Dark Water borrows heavily from this serial about Cybermen invading Earth.  In this one a tycoon/evil guy named Tobias Vaughn precedes the Master’s role in the modern serial, making an unholy alliance with the Cybermen.  The coolest thing about Tobias Vaughn as a villain is that he doesn’t blink at all.  It’s kind of subtly unsettling like a grown man self describing as a “chocoholic” or Papa John (of pizza fame, with his jet-black hair and leathery orangeness.)  The Doctor’s companion, Zoe is also wearing a skintight outfit in this one. Aside from the obvious benefits, you can plainly see actors trying their damndest to say their lines without just staring at her.

The War Games

Basically, some aliens kidnap and hypnotize a bunch of soldiers from different eras in human history with the goal of finding the best warriors to make a super army.  If you think about it, there’s probably an easier way, but whatever. It’s a cool enough concept to overlook the fact that it only almost seems reasonable.  This is a good thing.  This one is ten episodes long, and any extra time spent on bullshit explanations of every stupid thing would just bog it down.  Despite the serial’s length The War Games manages to move pretty quickly.
These glasses are nowhere near the silliest thing from the Classic Series.

The War Games ends with the first appearance of the proper Time Lords of Gallifrey, which gives the first real glimpse into the Doctor’s past.  The Time Lord’s show up all pissed off that the Doctor has been traveling through the whole of space and time, fucking around, and saving people.  Seems they’re awfully stodgy for an omnipotent race.  The Doctor’s must pay for his crime of: doing stuff. They forced him to regenerate and sentence him to Earth until he could learn to behave himself.
Doctor Who returns soon with a cape and classic hot rod?  Pretty much.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Bottomshelf Beer Reviews: Shoenling's Little Kings

Remember that song Two Princes by the Spin Doctors?  I ask you this, what are Princes, if not Little Kings?  Does Shoenling’s Little Kings beer have anything to do with the goddamned Spin Doctors?  Probably not, it was just the first ham fisted introduction that came to mind.  But what is this Shoenlings Little Kings I speak of?  More importantly is it any good, or does it suck (like a certain lame-as early 90’s alterna-pop band?) 
Nice hat bro
I first discovered Little Kings a couple years ago.  At the time, most information I found online erroneously reported that the beer had been discontinued and the beer’s official website redirected to their facebook page.  Not a good sign.  They now have a bonafide website, and optimistically promise that Little Kings is growing to a nationwide distribution level.  I don’t know how close they are to national distribution, but it warms my heart to see a Cincinnati beer from 1958 trying to expand, at a time when all time greats like Schlitz and Hamm’s are on life support.

As to why it took me so long to review it: I couldn’t keep it in my fridge.  Although national distribution may be coming soon, I discovered Little Kings at a liquor store about 30 miles from my house.  The first time I bought I grabbed it on a whim with the intention of reviewing it, but drank it all before I got the chance. Next time I was over there I bought like 42 7oz bottles, which it turns out isn’t enough to stay in my fridge for very long.  So I bought even more last time I was in Aurora, and I’m finally getting around to it now.
Sadly, Aurora IL does not have a Stan Mikita's Donuts.  It just kinda blows.
I love the tiny bottles.  I tend to drink until I fall asleep (healthy I know.)  Sometimes I think I want another beer, but start to get sleepy about half way through.  With a 7oz bottle half the beer is pretty much the whole thing.  Plus you can do that cool trick from the Warriors.  The bottles also make me feel gigantic in my admittedly tiny hands.  They would be a handy prop if your sexting girls pics of your dong, in the same way a quarter is a handy prop if selling a novelty Chia Pet on ebay, except of course the quarter would (secretly) be half size, giving the Chia Pet a cyclopean pussy-destroying appearance.

If it wasn’t clear in the last paragraph I really like this stuff.  It’s sweet, like Mickey’s sweet, with caramel notes, and it’s highly highly carbonated.  It’s kind of like beer flavored pop, with a healthy 5.5% ABV to get the job done.  The little 7oz bottles add to the “pop” aesthetic, and seem to improve the flavor psychologically. For whatever reason smaller portions seem to taste better. This is true with both the tiny corners on a Chicago cut thin crust pizza and with Shoenling’s Little Kings.  The smaller portions also ensure you never get bored with it.  I try so cop a similar philosophy with this blog: even if it’s not great at least it’s quick.  Whether you enjoy Little Kings, or this beer review they’re both over in about 5 minutes.

I can’t recommend Schoenling’s Little Kings enough.  It tastes good, especially in the groovy tiny bottles. If nothing else it’s a nice novelty “change of pace” beer for the seasoned drinker.  We live in a country that bought over five million copies of Pocket Full of Kryptonite, do your part and buy something better than that.      
Looks like Super Girl got kyrptonited.  Kind of conveniet that there were gym mats on hand.