Q: What’s the difference between zombies and Wal-Mart shoppers?
A: Zombies aren’t fat.
I kid. I don’t mean to seem like I’m knocking capitalism, because capitalism rules. I just don’t like these people. My Thanksgiving was great; I ate a lot of tasty food, drank a lot, watched some football and took a solid nap. I didn’t feel compelled to stand outside all day getting cold like an Indian.
|Fuck that noise.|
Worst Days of All Time:
- Anytime someone I cared about died
- The Bears lose the Super Bowl
- Working retail on Black Friday
|This bear never disappoints|
I had to get up and brave the frigid 3AM even though the store opened at 5 because my boss had the idea that he would go outside and ask people if they were due for an upgrade while they were waiting in line, and he’d radio their information to me and I’d check it on the computer. Well exactly one person submitted himself to this process, so I just sat there being miserable as fuck.
|Must have $20 Garmin!|
|A black Friday I actually like|
It’s become fashionable in recent years to blame the stores for the increased incidents of violence and trampling. I don’t like the 5AM start time, but I know what corporations are and what they want: money. I don’t begrudge them for it, it’s their nature; it’d be like getting mad at a zombie for trying to eat brains. I do take issue with people that should have a brain between there ears trampling each other to death like fricking monsters.
|Oh shit! Zombies!|
|Fuck! They've breached the perimeter.|