If you don't feel like reading this check out the video version here.
A scene from the commercial for the commercial. Could be a lot worse.
Budweiser Black Crown officially launched during
the Super Bowl, and it’s about fucking time.
Almost a month prior to the Super Bowl commercial they started showing
commercials for the commercial to build anticipation for the new beer
commercial. Well, I for one was
certainly excited. Not only was Budweiser
gifting me a new beer to review, but I knew I’d be treated to a multi-million
dollar advertising campaign; the likes of which we hadn’t seen since Budweiser
released Bud Light Platinum last year at the Super Bowl. I was not disappointed in that regard. You can just tell everything right down to the
color, placement, font, and shape of the label has been thought of, considered,
planned out, vetted, voted on and redesigned down to the smallest detail.
As perfect as the hair of a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
Metal chick
All that attention to detail makes the name Black
Crown seem even weirder than it is. What
gives? It sounds less like a new version
of Budweiser and more like a shitty High School Heavy Metal band. Ya know, the kind that plays slightly off
tempo Megadeth and Metallica covers, but don’t call them a coverband or they’ll
play some of their godawful original songs?
The label offers some explanation:
“We challenged our 12 Budweiser Brewmasters
to create a new masterpiece. Six unique beers were crafted and sampled… One was
chosen. This amber lager’s toasted
caramel, malt notes, and smooth finish earned it the Black Crown. Now it’s been
stolen. You and your companions must
embark on a quest to the Cave of Skulls
to get it back.”
I think that sounds more like the plot to a
Dungeons and Dragons Campaign Module than the story of a beer. To be fair, I added that last part about the
quest to the Cave of Skulls, but I think it works especially because the King
of Beers thing is already Budweiser canon.
Black Crown is fucking aces. It has a rich full flavor, with a touch of
the bitterness you get with things like hops, barley, and other “real”
ingredients that are typically in short supply when it comes to bottomshelf
beer. I could actually taste Ye Olde
toasted caramel, malt notes and all that other shit the label talked
about. I actually felt compelled to pour
it into a glass. It still has a
Budweiser aftertaste, and when it hits you’re like, “Oh right, Budweiser.” But it’s good. I was even going to go so far as to say that
a beer snob on a budget should give Black Crown a taste, but then I pictured
some douche in a scarf saying, “you really think this tastes good?” So instead I’ll just say go fuck yourself you
smug asshole.
If it's not cold and you're not Doctor Who there's no reason to wear a scarf
Budweiser Black Crown gets my seal of
approval. Buy some today; because
there’s no telling if Black Crown will take its rightful place amongst the
Kings of Beers, or be discarded to the ash heap of history along with the likes
of Budweiser American Ale, Bud Dry, Bud Extra, Bud Ice Light, Bud the Pretender
and Bud the Usurper. I made the last two
up but I think they tie in with the whole sword and sorcery thing we
established in the second paragraph.
Also, if anyone at Budweiser wants to look at my spec script “The Cave
of Skulls” don’t hesitate to get in touch.
If this is your kind of thing, get ready to read the greatest script of all time.
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