Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Bottomshelf Beer Reviews: Icehouse Edge

Mila Kunis knows, on the edge it's a helluva drop
The other day I saw Icehouse Edge as I was leaving the liquor store.  I know I often start these beer reviews bitching and kvetching like C-3PO on Tatooine, “Woe is me.  This beer looks disgusting.  Fuck my life.  etc.”  But when I saw Icehouse Edge at the liquor store I was like, “why the hell not!”  I don’t like Icehouse, but fuck it.  Yeah, a new high gravity version with a stupid name probably won’t be much better, but it couldn’t be much worse.  If nothing else it will get me drunk quicker, which is the only reason to drink Icehouse in the first place.  On that note: challenge gladly accepted Icehouse Edge.  I relish this opportunity.  Now let’s get it on like Donkey Kong!
Batman, getting it on like Donkey Kong

Personally I can’t hear someone say, “the edge” without thinking of U2’s legendary guitarist that…blah blah blah BWAHAHA!  Just kidding, U2 sucks, and they’ve sucked for long enough now that their present suckiness completely overshadows any of their previous accomplishments.    On the other side of the coin, the good side if you will, Stiff Little Fingers sang about "running at the edge of their world" and The Effigies asked “Where do we go once we’ve seen the edge?”  Not to mention David Lee Roth’s brilliant “The Edge” soliloquy in Van Halen’s 1978 classic “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘bout Love.”   It would seem that musicians of all stripes, share an obsession with “the edge,” which begs the question: is Icehouse Edge awesome like a Chicago based hardcore band, or douchey and nauseating like Aerosmith’s 1992 crapptastic single “Livin’ on the Edge?” 
Rather than disgusting all of you with a picture of Steven Tyler and his  "old lady face."  Here's his much better looking daughter.

To answer that question, I’ll start by saying that I typically take pains to avoid drinking Icehouse.  Consequently, I don’t think I’ve touched the stuff since I wrote my review about a year ago.  It’s been a while, but I think Icehouse Edge tastes almost exactly like regular Icehouse.  As a beer, even an ice beer, the flavor of Icehouse is pretty subpar, but as a high gravity lager it’s aces.  8%ABV is a different animal and has to be judged against its 8% peers, otherwise it’s like a cat in a dog show: not winning awards and pooping in a box.  I personally prefer regular beer to high gravity lager the same way I prefer dogs to cats/raccoons (same animal) but comparing the two is unfair to all parties.  Remember Heathcliff?  It was pretty good for a terrible show, but it was no Downton Abbey.
Here's the really hot daughter from Downton Abbey dressed as slave Leia 

To carry the metaphor just a little bit further, in the genus high gravity, the species Icehouse Edge is one of the better ones, because it doesn’t have a harsh chemical taste or shit-mouth aftertaste, at least not anymore than you’d find in regular Icehouse.  A lot of high gravity lagers taste like someone’s topped them off with w a little vodka, but I don’t really taste any extra alcohol in Icehouse Edge.  Of course, I don’t taste alcohol in straight whiskey, so take that how you will.  In a bottomshelf genus dominated by beers you have to pinch your nose and chug just to get drunk Icehouse Edge stands out as being more palatable than the rest.

Icehouse Edge threw the gauntlet and I rose to the challenge.  It was pretty good for a high gravity lager, and I’d say overall it was a pretty positive experience.  Except that I got that fucking Aerosmith song stuck in my head.  I only heard that song like a million fucking times between 1992 and 1995 and about a 100,000 times since then, so I’m going to drown it out with a little beer, and the far superior Weird Al Yankovic parody “Livin’ in the Fridge.”
Speaking of The Fridge...

9 comments:

  1. I wish you'd make it so anyone could comment on your blog. Ok, I don't know if that is even an option for blogspot but I don't care. I enjoy your beer reviews and want to respond.

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    1. I used to have it like that, but I was getting too much SPAM. Thanks for reading.

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  2. Edge is like EATING a bag of SUGAR! Are you retarded? It tastes nothing like IceHouse! LOL Dumbass

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    1. Funny, I've read many reviews that says it tastes like IceHouse. Don't be such a Dickbag.

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  3. Dude, i came across this site while drinking (or atempting to drink) an icehouse edge. I took one sip and decided to google "icehouse edge sucks". so hear I am, pissed that I didnt settle for a Natty Daddy. Those are bearable. But the edge sucks. It cost me a buck to find out what porta-john water taste like. It reminds me of bitter sweatness, like looking at a hot pic of jaggars daughter while knowing what her dad looks like. He looks like the taste of icehouse edge. Shitty.. As for a cheap buzz job, it still sucks. Natty Daddy sucks to, but icehouse sucks more than Boy George at a nude beach. Your review is freakin funny though. Ill be back to read more when I get drunk again tomorrow, wich will be owed to a bunch of NattyDaddy's.

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  4. If you like stuff with lots of alcohol, you should try Four Loko. I think its 12% and its even chug-gable.

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  5. That stuff isnt too bad, but its a little too sweet for me. And it gives me heartburn.

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  6. I loved Icehouse when it first came out. I recently tried edge until the flavor is a pure I love the buzz. no hangover. It only takes one, two on bar night and I'm happy

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  7. Drinking an edge, its drinkable. Best beer out, Miller Fortune. I walked away from Miller 18 yrs ago. They have pulled me back with fortune. Fantastic taste, high volume, hell I'd be their spokesperson if they paid me in the stuff. Cool blog man :)

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