I first discovered Red Dog, in college. Back then, I might not have always had money for food that wasn’t Ramen based, but thanks to beers like Red Dog at least I didn’t have to eat the Ramen completely sober. Ever since I started this section of my blog I’ve looked forward to one day reviewing Red Dog. It might not sound like much, but it’s not every day you get to review a beer that costs about half the price of Miller Lite and tastes twice as good.
|Just a reminder: the 80's sucked.|
The most common question I get asked when I tell people I like Red Dog is, “they still make that stuff?” So let’s just clear that up right off the bat. Yes, Red Dog (not to be confused with Rude Dog) is widely available. It’s a fair enough question though; Red Dog was introduced by Miller in 1994 as their entry in the “Red Beer Wars.” At the time of this blog post, it is the only known survivor of this conflict. Unlike the” Ice-Beer Wars” of the same era or the Cola Wars of the 80’s, very little is known (easily found on the internet) about this conflict. I don’t remember much about beer in 1994, being only 11 years old, but I do remember that all of the sudden red beer was fucking everywhere. In particular I remember this commercial:
I don’t know how Red Dog survived the Red Beer Wars conflict, but I can hazard a guess. In the late 1930’s the Nazis invented the blitzkrieg, or lightning war. Since then, defensive coordinators have used the word “blitz” for plays in which they send players that are normally in coverage to attack the offensive backfield (it is unknown if any defense has ever gotten bogged down in the harsh Russian winter.) But before WWII, the “blitz” was called “Red Dog.” Perhaps the marketing execs at Red Dog hired Bulldog Turner to beat the shit out of the competition. It would explain the bulldog mascot, but I guess it’s kind of unlikely since Bulldog Turner is dead. What’s far more likely is Red Dog survived because Red Dog has
|"I'm gonna murdalize you Red Wolf Beer!"|
If those caps don’t seem that funny to you, I guarantee that it is fucking hilarious with six or seven Red Dogs in you. Still not convinced? Consider this: If you turn the Red Dog logo upside down it looks like Batman going down on some chick!
|You'd think he'd have a device on his belt for that|
|"In Soviet Russia, beer drink you."|
Between the flavor and the price you really can’t go wrong with Red Dog. Although Red Dog is sold in cans and bottles, I’d say stick to the bottles. It tastes better, and you get the hilarious bottle caps. One of the drunkest nights in my life was fueled primarily by Red Dog, and the next day I took a final with vomit in my hair. It might not have been fun at the time, but it’s one of my favorite stories about college, and I got a B; somehow. That being said I’ll give Red Dog an A+. Buy some today.