Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Showering in America

Few things in life are as refreshing as a nice shower at the end of a long day.  When your fingernails are all stuffed under with nameless black shit and the little lines in your fingerprints are all full of brown dust, a good soak in the shower cleans all that shit off and it relaxes the muscles.  
This dude needs a shower

Showers are not only a place to get clean at the end of the workday.  They can be a spot of great adventure.  One time in college I got home drunk and went the bathroom to relieve myself.  When I walked in I heard someone in the shower and I said, “who’s showering?” thinking it one of the guys on my floor.  Had that been the case I would’ve said something like, “ hey…ugh..whadidyoudotonight?”  And they’d have told me about some crazy party.  Instead I heard some girl say she was staying in one of the dorm rooms with some guy. 

I then hatched my brilliant scheme: If I went and took a shower in the other stall I could see her naked when she got out and reached for her towel. Genius right?  Well I know what some of you people are thinking but honestly she was showering in the men’s bathroom.  The women’s room was about 20 feet away, and if she was in there I agree that it would be pervy and weird to sneak in there.

So I grab my towel and get in the shower, and no sooner do I get in when I hear a pretty girl ask, “are you that guy that asked who was in the shower?”

That was pretty much the end of the conversation, but then she got out and I totally saw her naked.  Then I threw up all the whiskey I drank in the shower drain.  Then I watched Training Day and ate popcorn.  It was the kind of night the Black Eyed Peas sing about.
A similar scenario from the 1982 classic Porky's


  1. A stupid question, sure, but have you ever had a cold beer in the shower? The perfect time for this little number is anytime. Whether the beginning of the day, middle of the night, or whathaveyou, a cold beer in the shower is the answer to most any problem or the move to keep the status quo quoing.

  2. I've heard this story in a number of sober variations, but you always stick to the facts, and that's why you're the King of Men! And on my next day off, I'm experimenting with a shower beer.

  3. Don't worry I'm planning on talking about shower beer in an upcoming post.