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| History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man.. |
Miller just introduced the newest member of the
Miller Family: Miller Fortune, a curious
product to say the least. When most people
make a beer I assume they’re making a beer.
When one of the Big Two (MillerCoors & Anheuser-Busch/InBev) makes a
beer is has to do with perceived trends, changing markets, and fads. What pray
tell is the motive behind Miller Fortune?
Let’s breakdown the commercial:
A bunch of
very chic and fashionable people are having the kind of swanky party you’ll
never get invited to. Everyone looks
multiethnic and bored. A low rent
knock-off of Jason Statham approaches a hip looking 20-something male.
FakeJasonStatham:
You invited everyone over to watch Wrestlemania, but your telly [British
slang] is on the fritz. Fortune favors the
bold.
No one else
seems to hear or see Fake Jason Statham, like he’s an angel, or Al from Quantum
Leap. Around this point I notice that
the apartment has leather curtains?
Also, Jason Statham imposter hands the dude a Fortune beer and the Wheel
of Fortune Home Game.
Cut to: Everyone
playing the Wheel of Fortune Home Game and drinking Miller Fortune out of rocks
glasses(?). They’re having a great
time. The dude will presumably get laid
I guess they wouldn’t be watching Wrestlemania or
playing board games, but I really have no idea what hep people do for fun. Clearly, I’m not in the demographic they’re
shooting for. I mean, other than the
implication that the guy scores with a hot multi-ethnic chick I can honestly
say there is nothing in the commercial that appeals to me, at all, which seems
like a misstep on their part. I drink a
lot.
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| Horniness will always defeat reacism |
And circle gets the square. The answer to the question. Miller’s not making a beer for people who
already drink beer, even if they drink pretty much constantly. Miller is making a beer for people who don’t
drink beer yet. Apparently, the market for liquor in this country
growing, especially amongst young people.
Naturally, Miller wants in, so they’re trying to make a beer for hip
young people whom would otherwise be drinking booze based drinks like vodka
Redbulls or Malibu Rum. To that end,
they gave Miller Fortune a weird angular jetblack bottle, a Jason
Stathame-esque narrator, and curiously suggest that it be served in a rocks
glass.
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| I was really relieved to see the whole bottle didn't fit in the rock glass. If it held more than 12oz. it would mean I was drinking way more whiskey that I/d previously thought |
As someone who is a decade past his early 20’s,
it’s hard for me to judge how effective all this is going to be. Personally, I
think if you wanted to be cool you’d rip a picture of John Wayne Gacy in half, show
a beer-drinkin’ anthopomorphic crocodile doing tricks on a skateboard, or
instead of kind-of, sort-of implying, that the dude drinking beer gets laid
make it super obvious, like the girl is a MILF in a Cialis commercial. Failing that, they should just do what I do:
make fun of people who don’t drink beer.
Drinking beer doesn’t make me or anyone else cool, but not drinking beer
makes you a dork.
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| Hitler was a teetotaler IRL |
While I might not know much about being cool, I
like to think I know a thing or two about beer.
Miller Fortune tastes boozy, and at 7% alcohol it probably should. This would seem to play into their previously
discussed marketing strategy. It’s a
little bitter like a real beer, with a bit of caramel flavoring, but not a lot
of either. The strongest taste is the graininess
you tend to expect from a Miller product.
It’s above average, but is it worth a hefty $12? In a word: no. In two words: no-no. It’s definitely worth grabbing when the bar
has a special on Miller Family buckets, but the price point pulls Miller
Fortune off the bottomshelf and into direct competition with craft beers and
imports.
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| THE ACE OF SPADES! THE ACE OF SPADES! |
While Miller Fortune works decently well as a beer
to get me drunk, it doesn’t make me feel any cooler or more likely to meet
Jason Statham. Which kind of cuts
against their whole point, right? While
I am not cynical enough to suggest that Miller/Coors doesn’t care about the
quality of their product; I would say that in this instance flavor definitely
takes a backseat to marketing and demographic trends. While Miller Fortuneis decidedly okay, it
remains to be seen if Miller Fortune will be effective in convincing smarmy
young people that they should shell out $12 a 12-pack to feel cool. Only time will tell.
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| History has already made up its mind on hot ass multi-ethnic girls... |
...but
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| DON'T FORGET THE JOKER!!! |
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